This post is sponsored by BetterHelp, an online counseling service.
This morning I woke up, overwhelmed. When it gets this big, I like to call it “The Overwhelm”.
Over the weekend, my son, Hunter, was sick. Quite sick. He had a fever for two days that kept fluctuating between 38C and 40C. Just as it was creeping up past 40C, Hunter threw up, again, and it broke. Slowly, slowly, slowly it crept down to normal levels. Three days in total and by the middle of the fourth day, he was back to normal. Phew! I spent so much time worrying about him, that I ignored the fact that I had a fever, too, and was feeling terrible. So, on Monday, he was ready to go back to school and I was ready to go back to bed.
Monday, there was no going back to bed. I woke up needing to go to an appointment. I packed the kid’s lunches while shoving dirty dishes out of my way. Despite our best efforts, and both Josh and I doing a few dishes at a time, we weren’t able to keep up. Surprisingly, to me, the lack of space made packing lunches take twice as long.
It snowballed from there. My anxiety was high already, after being run down from the fever and flu, and the chaotic morning. A mad rush to school followed, with the kids having to run to the bus (which they hate) and then me running back to the car to get to the appointment.
Everything seemed to be pushing on me from all sides: the dirty car, the impending appointment that I was hoping to make on time, no time for a coffee, the dirty dishes at home….everything seemed to be pushing my buttons. I love that expression. When my anxiety spikes, it does feel like actual buttons are being pushed on me, and sometimes I can feel a physical pain or caving in of my body as my anxiety rises. As if some unseen force is pressing giant buttons within me- on my heart, lungs, stomach, chest, shoulders…..you get the idea.
I thought,
“I’ll just do some self-care!”
But, sometimes, that isn’t enough. Sometimes, I feel like it would help more to have a person outside of my own head listen to me. Yes, a therapist. Why? Well, lately, when I take time for myself, my mind is chattering away about all my obligations to others.
Things Like:
- Did I pack Hunter tissues so he can blow his nose?
- Is Isabella’s sandwich cut the way she likes so she will eat it?
- Have I changed that garbage so Josh doesn’t have to?
- Did I text that person congrats/happy birthday/are you okay/sorry/how are you?
- If I did text, did I convey enough love and care?
- Are my emails piling up?
- Does our cat have enough food?
- OMG I haven’t sent snail mail back to that person!
- And on and on it goes…..
My head is very, very, very busy. I think everyone can relate to being too busy and having to answer too many people over the day. You don’t have to be a mom to understand!
But Moms…you get it, right?
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