When Covid-19 started, I had a feeling it would last years, and I felt ready for it.
My optimism ruled. I love my home and, as a shy, socially awkward, introvert, hardly leave it, anyway. My thought was- how will my life really change? I would make a wonderful shut-in hermit type! Plus, I don’t live alone: I won’t be lonely because I have my husband and kids.
The first year was great. Life slowed down. I had my kids at home all day and it was a novelty. Every morning, I did a workout at home and thought, “I’m going to be so fit and healthy when Covid-19 ends. I will emerge a beautiful butterfly!” And I ate healthy. With no outside-the-home commitments- no sports, activities, birthday parties, or social calls!- I felt we had the time to be with each other and embrace slow living. Slow living, in my eyes, is: having the time to plan ahead, meal plan, prepare healthy snacks, decorate, start giant craft projects, and play long board games with my family.
A lot of days were spent helping the kids stay positive and focused, decluttering, planning future interior decorating, repainting walls, or trying small space storage solutions. (I admit, I did a LOT of rearranging of furniture and the interior of cupboards and drawers).
Now I can’t tell you how many years Covid-19 has been going because it feels like forever. One year has bled into many. The other day, I was in the grocery store grabbing some boring essentials…and I saw Easter chocolates out. And I thought,
“Didn’t we just do this last month?!”
This is how days go. Very little changes. I don’t mind it, most of the time, but sometimes I have bursts of intense frustration and anger about it. I’m getting sick of a year feeling like a month, no hugging friends, no coffee dates at tiny tables in coffee shops where you lean in to laugh with each other and nearly touch noses, watching my kids play group sports, and even parties. Occasionally, I wish I had an excuse/reason to get dressed up. I’m not extremely social, but I do miss going to group events with friends, meeting up at each other’s house to play a game, or the possibility of going to a very crowded concert or theatre.
I miss not needing a mask in public. I miss the feeling of not wearing a mask and feeling unafraid about it. I miss not thinking about pandemics and endemics in other countries and how they have dealt with it over the years.
After the first year of the pandemic, I was constantly low-grade depressed, overwhelmed and over-peopled (4 people in a 850 square foot home is too many! If we lived in a tiny house, we would kill each other). I craved alone time and normalcy!
I took a “week off” of social media (ALL of it), watching or reading the news. I also took a “week hiatus” from exercising, gained 25 pounds, and gave up on housework or proper clothing. Hello, sweatpants, stretch leggings, old t-shirts and pajamas. Sometimes, I would do laundry and we would have one outfit to wash, each, and a ton of pajamas.
So, this is my experience so far. I’m working out again, eating more veggies and trying to get outside more often. I’ve found my purpose and optimism. I’m looking after my physical needs but I’m also meditating every day and writing in my journal to feed my mental health needs.
How is it going for you?
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