My “New” Journey

I am an arrogant idiot. There, I said it. Or I was. I was one of those “I looked up some fit quotes and ten articles about fitness, and now I know everything” assholes.

Well then, if I know everything, why was I yo-yoing between 10 lbs from a healthy weight to 60 lbs away from it for years? Why did I look in the mirror and still see 200lb me from ten years ago??

This is 2005-ish. I was unhappy. I starved myself to be a bit smaller in size, but hated how I looked (and myself essentially) and quickly gained weight back after this picture. In the picture I am already overweight, so you can imagine….

I always thought, since I am not obese anymore, I didn’t need help. Judgmental, control freak me said that if I couldn’t do it completely on my own (also known as “the hard way”), then it wasn’t worth doing. My Type A, control freak, judgmental, all or nothing mindset was keeping me in this vicious cycle.

So last year I decided to spend actual money on my fitness regime. Instead of cobbling together workouts off of free sites (which is do-able but time consuming and may or may not work), I bought a workout called the “Bikini Body Guide” by Kayla Itsines. I got going on it, found the Instagram community to be supportive and- surprisingly to everyone- kept doing it. My usual thing is to quit on Week 3 or 5. I am now on Week 10 and still going.  Something in me has committed to this time. I’m not sure what changed. I guess I got tired of wishing I was being more healthy, wishing I had more energy, wishing I would make the time, wishing I felt less miserable when I was out with my family and couldn’t keep up their pace.

On top of that, I have joined “8 Great Ways to Lose Weight” by Naomi Teeter so that I can lose the last 10 lbs and – MORE importantly- lose the mindset that, with these extra pounds, I am “not good enough”. Her program is NOT about “eat this thing and do this exercise”. It is VERY personalized. She takes in to account your lifestyle, stress level, activity level, health knowledge and current mindset. I had my first Skype session today and she was patient, kind, knowledgeable and helpful. The worksheets she provides get you thinking about WHY you eat and what’s behind the choices you make. It’s more work than “eat this green smoothie every day” or “count these points up”, but I have a feeling that it’s about rewiring my brain to stop criticizing or shaming my choices so that I eat for nourishment and enjoyment, rather than out of habit or because I am “eating my feelings” (which I do. A LOT). I am really excited to keep going with this program.

I am also really excited about going on this fitness journey with a new way of looking at it. Being in Canada, it’s pretty sucky outside so a lot of my exercise is inside, and the gray skies make you want to curl up on the couch with a mountain of food. That makes it the perfect time to stay inside, curl up with some worksheets instead- working on improving my health and continuing my fitness progress. I’m really excited to be improving myself and not seeing it as some end goal or weight goal- I hope this excitement and level of commitment lasts. I am determined to make peace with the fact that it is a JOURNEY (as they say)- and not be overwhelmed about the fact. I really want to stop my brain from saying “I will be happy when….” and be happy with myself NOW. It’s not easy. At all. But I am trying. And I have a fitness regime I look forward to, and an understanding health coach. As an extremely sensitive introvert who loves to be in control and do everything solo, it is a light-year out of my comfort zone to reach out for help and create a support system, but I am soooooo happy I did.

2016 is the year where I will think of things in a new perspective- or try- and to admit I don’t have all the answers and need help sometimes. In fact, to keep me accountable I will blog a bit about it- the trials, the successes, the downfalls, the weaknesses that come up, and the progress.

I will be writing a Fit Friday post every, well, Friday (obviously). I hope you’ll check back here and read my journey, as well as comment on your own successes or stories.

Thanks for joining me. See you next Friday!