“Stay Home, Stay Safe” During COVID-19 and Mental Sanity

I’m kinda losing my crap, you guys. Being introverted, you would think this new “Stay safe, stay home” life would be a super easy adjustment for me!

The staying home part is easy. I’ve been working from home for ages and I don’t go out much. The difference is the choice to leave is gone. Before, I could leave if I wanted to and now I feel that I’m safer at home – which makes at home feel claustrophobic, in a way. Am I making sense?

I think the hardest adjustment is that the days went from me home alone to four people in 850 square feet, trying to be productive. We’ve had to adjust the house to accomodate two kids doing schoolwork and two adults trying to work. It’s been….interesting. I’m never truly alone, which is tough for me, and I’m having a hard time trying to carve out space for myself.

Homeschooling is officially 1 hour per day but my gifted kids balked at that and wanted more learning type things to do. My days are filled with setting up and taking down the laptops for schoolwork and then STEAM or crafty type things for extra learning. Both Isabella and Hunter love to be productive which is great! But….also exhausting! A lot of supervision and guidance and answering of questions and setting up and cleaning afterward involved. Also, meals for four THREE times a days and tidying up after ourselves. It’s a bit of a struggle to adjust to.

Keeping things tidy and nice for each other means a lot of cleaning up after ourselves constantly- all day, every day. It makes me feel like a bit of a nag but in this small of a space, even one person’s mess left behind is a slippery slope. If I let it go, by the end of the day we are all cranky and feel like we live in Grey Gardens.

To say it’s been a lot for all four of us feels like an understatement. We kind of feel on top of each other and we are already stressed out by the tense situation the world has been put in to- it’s war times, in a lot of ways. And that’s scary and horrible and stressful and makes everyone anxious. It’s an emotional time for everyone.

For the first two weeks since the kids have been home from school, I was so busy distracting the kids, I didn’t realize I was as depressed and anxious as I was. I lived in pajamas, let laundry pile up beside my bed and felt like everything was pointless.

Then I remembered a quote from Kristen Bell in a past issue of Women’s Health:

“…If she does experience a bleakness, she reaches for wisdom from Dax’s AA meetings. “You just have to do the next right thing. You just stand up. That’s the next right thing. Then you brush your teeth. That’s the next right thing. It’s a very one-step-at-a-time.””

Interview of Kristen Bell by Molly Creeden, Women’s Health, October 2019

I started doing “the next right thing” and it helped make the day seem less overwhelming. My workouts started up again and I showered for the first time in too long and got dressed. I worked out in robot mode, not caring about what move was next or if I would feel better eventually. I even did my workouts in my pajamas- since I didn’t want to wear real clothing while I was feeling depressed, at all, ever.

But I did pull out of it. I think working out helped, as did getting dressed. Going through the motions turned into looking forward to my workouts, to eating better, to helping the kids. I feel that I’m pushing past the fog now; stepping into the light a bit.

Post workout in my pjs and a workout hoodie to hide them in the picture.

I look forward to my workouts lately. I’ve moved them to the morning, as soon as I get up, when I have the basement to myself. That, and the shower time afterward, are my only moments of alone time so far- and I cherish them. I feel more productive during the day, too.

The adjustment period isn’t over and this new situation is still hard. I look forward to having fewer mental meltdowns and fewer freak-outs over nothing. Actually….My daughter’s therapist gave us a neat check-in idea to do at the end of the day. At dinner time, we fill up our empty glasses with water. Less water means happy or content and more water means overflowing with emotion, upset or overwhelmed. Then we talk about why our glasses are that full. It really works and it helps to talk about how we feel and why we feel that way. I think it’s my fave coping strategy so far.

How are you guys holding up? What’s been the hardest adjustment for you? I’d love to hear your best coping strategies! Is it looking at memes, working out, baking or video chats?

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