Image: http://colorfully.eu/sun-and-flowers-facebook-cover/

In Sickness and In Health.

It’s time to take my power back. It’s time to give myself permission to move forward. Enough of feeling powerless and hopeless. I wake up frustrated and feeling defeated. Also, I have been jealous of everyone’s everything lately, a sure sign that I’m feeling stuck and need to change things- drastically, if possible. Josh agreed to be with me in sickness and in health. Right now, it’s sickness but I want to go back to health. 

But, like I said to a friend, I’m as resilient as a weed. I may not rise above these challenges, so to speak, but I will rise TO them.

Lately, my health hasn’t been the greatest, and it leaves you feeling powerless- a prisoner in your own body. I can’t sit here and wish to be healthy anymore. Instead, it is time to take charge of my health. I am reading the book, The Wahl’s Protocol, which focuses on gut health and overall well-being. I plan to make September the month I follow that. My gut has been in horrible shape, my IBS severe and fatigue has set in. My gut imbalance also makes me constantly bloated and gassy, with bad acne and flaky skin. Since the gut regulates serotonin levels, it makes sense that I feel depressed and frustrated lately, quick to anger or sadness. 

A candid my son took shows how bad my skin has gotten since my IBS and gut issues have gotten more severe. 

I also, like some of my friends, feel “condemned to be fit”. We exercise because our bodies literally fall apart if we don’t. My hips pop out, my knees give out, and my shoulders go out of line if I don’t stay fit. I have been slacking on that front and have vowed to make it more of a priority come September. Exercise doesn’t seem optional for me and I really want to step it up so that I never feel like I’m an old doll falling apart, ever again. Right now, I do what is the bare minimum for me, which is two times a week at barre. I know that I need to do more exercise than that, based on how I feel. And it has to be careful, mindful exercise so that I don’t injure myself. 

See why I’m frustrated? Everything takes another level of thought. my constant thought is-

Why can’t it be easier?

But, like I said to a friend, I’m as resilient as a weed. I may not rise above these challenges, so to speak, but I will rise TO them.

As resilient as a weed. 

Making my body work for me instead of against me is important. My kids need me. I need me. I want to grow stronger and embrace my body’s needs. Repairing my gut health may be life-long, and I need to stop fighting against it. I need to come to peace with the fact that I will never be able to order fast food at 11pm and be okay. That days of junk food are behind me- that saying no to alcohol and ice cream may be what makes me healthy again. 

I am going to start this journey and share it here. My children are watching my example. Bow down to the pain and the health issues, defeated, or rise up and become as strong as is possible, for me? I choose to become as strong as I can. Even when I don’t feel like it. On bad days, I will do as much as I am able. 

I will probably fail a few times, but I promise to be honest and accountable to you. My health and confidence has taken such a dive that it’s time. It’s time to change.

Tianna 

I have no map, no background in fitness training, no set plan (yet), but I have goals. 

My goals are to stop seeing food as the enemy and find out what fuels my body towards recovery. I plan to get as fit as possible so that my body is strong and capable, hopefully eliminating the need for surgery or a cane later in life. And I want to research my gut until I find out how to achieve ultimate gut health and eliminate my IBS and brain fog. As a result, I will be a more calm and patient parent for my highly-sensitive children. No longer will I have to say “No, I have no energy today, I’m sorry”. I want to be there for them: present in body, mind, and energy level. 

I am flawed. This is not going to be a smooth journey. It will be a ton of work, which makes me tired just to think of it, but I’m tired anyway, so what’s the difference? Haha. I will probably fail a few times, but I promise to be honest and accountable to you. My gut health and confidence has taken such a dive that it’s time. It’s time to change.

Similar reading:

Pain is My Middle Name
Surviving Gluten-Free Life (Not a Love Story)

1 Comment

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  • Polls

    • What do you want to see more of on the blog?

      View Results

      Loading ... Loading ...