is marriage counseling an option?

Is Marriage Counseling Right For Us?

My parents are divorced. Their marriage fell apart slowly, over years and years, and I wonder if they asked, “Is marriage counseling right for us?” They were together until I was in my twenties, so it happened when I was an adult myself, but it was still hard on the family.

Growing up, my parents fought a lot. It was mostly over money. My mom didn’t agree on business decisions, but was brought up to “not fight back too hard, men know what they’re doing” so she would leave discussions frustrated and unheard. Marriage counseling could have helped with communication, I bet. I don’t understand how my father felt in these situations. He would shut down, or slam something, or tip over a chair or something and leave. He ran his own business so he would hole up there for hours. I’m betting marriage counseling could have helped there, too.

However, I don’t think it would have saved their marriage. At a very early age, I thought my parents weren’t right for each other. I remember being 10 years old and thinking that they were nuts to be together. They either adored each other or seemed to hate each other. I thought it looked like an exhausting way to be with someone. But- I do think counselling could have made their split a bit more amicable and our lives more bearable while we all lived together. The on and off fighting was tiring for everyone. A weekly game for my sister and I was, ‘When The Parents Split Up, Who Will You Live With’. Fun, right?

My parents weren’t the type to fight behind closed doors. Their hippie ideals made them feel this would give my sister and I unrealistic expectations of the “real world”- so everything was discussed and hashed out and fought about in front of us. It did help me, in a way, but  it also made me expect fights and hardened me, too. I ended up in a relationship that was just like theirs for a few years because I expected drama and fighting in a couple. It wasn’t great.  I wonder how different things would have been if online marriage counselling had been available to them. We lived in a very small town where everyone knew everything. If they could have sneaked into the computer room instead of leaving the house, maybe they would have considered it an option. I can imagine my parents going online to discreetly talk to a counselor as issues came up- I believe our lives would have been calmer. Why didn’t BetterHelp online marriage counseling exist during my childhood? (Oh yeah, cuz of dial-up internet, haha).

Is marriage counseling right for us?


Thankfully, counseling on my own altered my expectations for relationships (and my role in one) so my marriage to Josh is awesome. We communicate fairly well and he is kind and amazing. We are a team, looking out for each other and trying to make each other’s day brighter. Well, most of the time. It can’t always be unicorns and rainbows. In fact, I just snapped at him yesterday for “talking at me” instead of “to me” but I apologized for being harsh and we worked it through by talking it out. If that should ever break down and we felt we couldn’t be honest and forthright with the other person, we would certainly consider marriage counseling. BEFORE things got really bad! Things don’t have to break down to the point of resentment or tears before it’s an option.

Have you ever considered marriage counseling?

Have you ever done couples or marriage counseling?

What was your parent’s relationship like?

Go to BetterHelp to find out if marriage counseling is an option for you. (Hint: You have to be willing to be in alliance with the counselor and one another).

**This article contains a sponsored link that I wholeheartedly support. All comments and content is honest and my own**


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