People that have never experienced sexual assault don’t understand how awfully common it is. If we start being careful of what kids see and educating them young we can empower young beings to defend themselves and know when to say no and report it. It happens to both girls and boys BY both men and women, but girls are more frequently targeted… I stole these statistics off of the Rape Victims Support Network and they are frightening.
Sexual Assault Stats:
- One of every 17 Canadian women is raped at some point in her life
- A woman is sexually assaulted by forced intercourse every 17 minutes in Canada
- Girls and young women between the ages of 15-24 are the most likely victims
- 80% of assaults happen in the victim’s home
- 70% of rapes are committed by a perpetrator who knows the victims (relative, friend, neighbour, colleague, or other acquaintance)
- Approximately one half of all rapes occur on dates
- 62% of victims are physically injured in the attack; 9% are beaten severely or disfigured
- Statistics Canada has found that one in four girls and one in eight boys have been sexually abused by the time they are eighteen
It’s sad but true. 4 of my close friends have admitted to being sexually assaulted or abused.
Most people who haven’t been sexually assaulted also don’t understand that the person gets “groomed”. Whether it’s a boyfriend cutting down a girl’s self-esteem until she feels she deserves to be forced to have sex with him, or it’s a relative slowly touching a little here and there and working in the guilt or threats….it is more common than a person getting randomly grabbed and attacked. That does happen, but it’s not the only way as most movies would have you believe. Preventing sexual assault is less about being able to throw a punch and more about having the know-how to know it’s wrong and report it immediately. Self-esteem and an open dialogue about it are the key, in my opinion.
Education starts early and even the most innocent things can trigger the idea that it’s okay to be sexually assaulted.
Through no fault of her own, just a victim of her own innocence, my Mother in Law accidentally started an inappropriate video in Izzy’s presence. She had been forwarded a funny video called ‘Happy Ending?’ that she wanted to show me. Isabella was in the room but distracted. Of course, as soon as it started Izzy came and climbed on my MIL’s lap. Now my MIL assured me, “They don’t show anything. Nothing really damaging or that Izzy could understand.” But that’s the problem. She wouldn’t understand it and therefore wouldn’t know how to process it.
The Video: A Caucasian non-nondescript man is in a massage parlor. An Asian woman (Vietnamese?) …(side-note: racist presentation)…is giving the man a massage. She stands at his head and runs her hands down his chest, her ample (fake!) cleavage brushing up against his face. She leans in and whispers, “Happy ending?” and he nods enthusiastically. (I am trying to pause at this point already but Youtube is glitching and keeps playing). The woman climbs on top and straddles him.
At this point I (finally!) get the video to pause. My MIL looks at me puzzled and goes, “That’s pretty much it though. They don’t show anything! A bunch of clowns come in at that point.”
But what she doesn’t understand is that Izzy, in her 4-year-old brain, can’t process that. She will think that adults do that all the time. She will think it’s okay if a man wants your boobs or chest pushed in his face. So even if she saw the “joke”, it’s an afterthought in her brain. I am not being ridiculous, trust me. These little things add up.
What I don’t want is for Isabella to take this experience and use it wrongly in real life. Purely an example…But:
Let’s say Izzy joins a sport. Soccer, for example. The coach keeps her after the practice to “check for injuries”. He lays her down on a bench in the change room and straddles his legs over the bench, leaning over her. Well, that’s okay isn’t it? Cuz she saw a video once where a girl straddled a guy to make him feel better….where was that video from again?…but obviously people do this, right? So he touches her knee, her shoulders, etc. …Then he just gently brushes her crotch area. He is starting to groom her to the end of sexually assaulting her someday. But little things Izzy has seen unwittingly over the years, like those Youtube videos or random things on tv shows she “isn’t even paying attention to” (bad babysitter quotes #221), have made her accept that maybe this little touch is okay. And when she gets to the point that it’s not okay? She already feels so implicated, shamed and guilty that she won’t talk. And my baby is getting wronged.
So think carefully about what you let your kids see folks. It’s very very very very important. And if they see something they shouldn’t have (cuz let’s face it, we’re not raising bubble kids), TALK ABOUT IT. Keep it to their level but keep an open dialogue please. Please, please.
Here’ s to a safe and awesome future for all of our little ones.
Well said!
thanks!